Long time it's been

Writing (or trying to write) after a long time.. And unlike most other times, this was not even planned. In fact, its 2.45 in the night and i am just surfing through random videos on you tube, something that I have done a lot this week. Currently listening to the song Aa Bhi Jaa from the movie Sur. Like the song. What to write. No strong emotions currently. Just a sense of flux. God knows for how long have I had this feeling. Its funny actually how differently you can view things. When I look at the last few years of my life, I can clearly see three things which have given me anxiety at different points in time. (Maine dil se kaha from Rog now). The first one was that which was beautiful in a bitter sweet manner. The incomplete experience of my life. And what an experience. I guess I will always remember it. It all seems such a distant memory now but boy can I still remember some of those moments!! The second one, infinitely more mundane but definitely more important has been my job. Sometimes I wonder, what am I doing. What is in store for me. I guess most people who are working think about it in some way or the other but I really sometimes feel as if I am just sailing in an unknown ocean not knowing what port is my ship finally going to anchor at. Am I going to remain in Chennai for a long time, would I return to Kolkata, would I become a part of some big company, will my pay increase, will I feel that I am doing something truly kick ass, will I become rich. Who knows. But yes, I have found myself asking this question a few times recently, Rohit Jain, what are you doing with your life?? And not necessarily in a very harsh manner but more out of this feeling that am I doing justice to my potential (and what exactly is that is also something that I dont know). 

The third thing is again somewhat similar to the first thing. Whom will I get to marry. Damn, has it been depressing so far. Looking at so many profiles, going through so many bio data, getting stuck and not making any progress. Shit, I really feel scared. And it is not because I am scared of .. Again, too late in the night.. And dont feel like writing any more. Anyways, hope something clicks and makes me feel more at peace!!